I strongly believe that all of us should work with what we are passionate about. We spend so many hours a day making a living, creating an income for ourselves and our families. While we achieve this we should be doing what we love. To me – it is worth big, even HUGE live changes to be happy. What is living if we don’t live it happy? For me right now it is creating an avenue to provide for my family as I do what I love. I have always managed to make a great life for myself and those around me. I don’t settle very easily and I pretty much demand to be happy or I change it. Some people can call me flaky over that last comment but it is true and in the end everyone around me is happy because why? Because I am happy!

I have always worked for myself and I enjoy the businesses end of owning a small business. Until recently I have struggled with the product/service – web sites are fun, but they are just not my thing. I have educated myself in the field so I know A LOT about the business and I defiantly know how to get the end result; however somewhere along the way I lost my passion. I lost the creativity, the desire and want to ‘do’. I have found that again in my new path with photography. I have always loved to take pictures but was never really ‘great’ at it. So after some time thinking, I enrolled in school. I have done this many times in the past (I still see it every month when I am paying those student loans I still owe from years ago that I did nothing with!). This time it is different. This time, I can’t get enough. I can’t wait for my next assignment. Im excited to learn and grow. I dream all day of the future and what I get to create. I have found after 30 years… my passion field of work!

Right now the money is still being dished out instead of coming in but time will change this. I truly believe that if my heart and soul is into it – I enjoy it and not stress about the finances, they will all fall into place. I have clear goals and nothing in my way of seeing them come true (well except all the million other things on my plate right?). I think all the things going on in my life right now are just part of the creation process and I hope life continues this way. When the creation stops that is when I get bored – that is when my focus changes and it is time to start a new chapter.

Passion is not just in work – it’s in everyday life. If you don’t wake up in the morning encouraged, excited and ready for the day – what is the point of not just crawling back into bed? I have 2 very passionate girls that get me out of bed (literally!). I have a passionate husband that goes after his dreams and supports me in mine – and sometimes we find time to be passionate together

I live my life living my passion – with work, with family and friends. I encourage my husband to do the same, I will encourage my girls to live their passion and I encourage you to do so too!

I think we all know that I am completely guilty of neglecting my blog and my followers… even if there is only 1 of you!  I am not going to apologize for this as I am juggling and learning my balancing act every day – I am just going to stop trying to make goals that I know Im not going to live up to. Lets be realistic: I am not a writer, Im terrible and trying to do too much and though I love to blog; it is just not my top priority on the teeter-todder of life.

Though I might not be a writer, I do love to share my stories and my opinions and I love to bring a connection to my friends and family in different ways that we may not have touched on before.  I am also a mom, a photographer, an entrepreneur (some days), a wife, a house cleaner, a friend, and chef, a student, the workout queen and sometimes I am the mush laying in the steam room – eyes closed and ‘trying’ to meditate my life away (that is until my name is called over the intercom to come get one of my kids and my time is up).

I hear it all the time how multiple kids are a handful and I still haven’t pin pointed on why everything in life is so chaotic, but I now know… first hand – its a lot!  Im not sure if it seems like so much more work as I have a 2 year old going on 16 running our house while trying to sooth a 2 month old that always has an upset tummy, starting a new career, finishing up school and continuing to run my other businesses. Oh ya… did I mention I try to fit in hubby time in there and then there are those dishes piling up next to the laundry pile – and I don’t even want to know how long it has been since the bathroom was cleaned.

I think I have got my point across that Im one busy mamma trying to stay sane and though some days seem like a chaotic mess, others just seem to be falling into place.  I chose this life and realistically I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I really wanted my kids close together. I grew up 20 months apart from my older brother and I think there is a great bond shared because of our ages ( as well as many other factors). I also as a parent wanted stages to be done and over and moving on.  I tend to live life in the fast lane. We only have 1 life so I think we need to pack it all in and life to the fullest. At least all we really know for sure is we have this one life – maybe we have lots of them and dont remember, but I tend to go off what I do know.  The important part about life and living it to the fullest is sometimes the one I forget the most = We have to stop and smell the roses, enjoy and soak in the little moments and RELAX.  In the end it is all about balance. When I choose to run 500 miles an hour in all directions – some of those directions have to be mind and body vacations to a world full of relaxation.

How do I do it? I make routines and try to stick to them, I have goals and lots of inspiration around me for everything I do. I also have HUGE support from my husband (who runs as fast or faster than me in all different directions too).  The thing is – years ago I decided that I was not going to sit around in a job I hated just to make money. I wasn’t going to sit at home just because I didn’t have money.  Money comes, money goes.  A few years ago I was making bank and living it up – then it hit as many others went through it too.  Then it hit harder, and harder till we were dead broke. We are in the process of building our life back up – creating what we want out of life and throwing our new family in the mix of it to figure it out with us. I hope our girls will learn a lot from what we have gone through.  While trying to make ends meet Grady and I both sat down and we made the decision to live life.  Its not about the money (though of course some days it is), but its about doing what we love – finding our passion and living it every day.

I try to remember that daily that life is about passion.  I have a passion to be mom and to be a great mom. I have a passion to have a great marriage. I have a passion to take amazing photos of families and their special moments and give them a memory. I have a passion to be creative.  I have a passion to be supportive to my family in their passions. I have a passion to give my girls a home to grow up in, to give them security though love.  I have a passion to smile, to make others smile.

My husband has a passion about boats… not sure why, but that is not my place to ask – it is just my place to enjoy his passion with him and play on his boats!!

We both have chosen passionate careers that are not really surrounded by a large income – so we balance!  We balance a budget, we balance play, we balance responsibility, we balance work and we balance love.  Sure I could go back to work and probably make a good income. That would in turn give me a handful of things I want out of life – but not all.  It would give me a schedule that might be less chaotic at times but it would take away so much. Right now I choose to work, create, learn and be mom all thrown in together because the end result is I get EVERYTHING I want out of life this way.

Babies are sleeping – hubby is at work – we are buying a boat tomorrow to play all weekend on the lake – I am caught up on my work for the week – I have amazing friends and even more amazing family that surrounds me – I love our little home – I MADE TIME TO WRITE THIS BLOG – I did NOT make it to the gym this week – I’m just a little behind on my school work but in a good place and learning a lot – I have a potential transgender wedding coming up on my client list (gotta love Vegas!) – Floors are vacuumed – Dishes are done – Dinner will be easy – ALL IS GOOD IN THIS MAMA’S WORLD RIGHT NOW.

30 years of life.  What a long time and what a short time all at the same time!  Many people have a hard time reaching this milestone; however, for me it has been a time of reflection.  Did I enjoy my first 30 years? Would I do anything different if I had the chance to?  Am I going to change things to live a better life in the next 30 years? Lots of questions but only one answer: I lived it up! I don’t think there is one thing I regret or would change.  I would have liked to squeeze in a few more trips around the world… but that can maybe come in my next 30 years, defiantly not a regret.

So for now I have come up with 30 reasons why I love turning 30.

1.I actually get to bring my youngest girl into the world within weeks after I turn 30.

2. Im actually excited to celebrate this birthday as it is a huge Milestone

3. 30 is the average retirement age for NFL players so I think I can see about being right behind them!

4.  The odds that I will make it to my late 30′s is over 99% so that is looking good for me!

5.  I feel like I am a more responsible mom because of my experiences in my 20′s so my kids will be rewarded with that in my 30′s.

6. My hubby is not far behind me.

7. I have a ways to go until I turn the big 50

8.  I think wine will taste better and I will enjoy it more.

9. My Kids – excited to be a mom in my 30′s

10.  I think 30 brings wisdom… or so I hope!

11. I will be flattered when I get carded

12. I already feel more respected (maybe that’s because Im preggers)

13. Im looking forward to that sexual peek us women get in our 30′s (especially after just having 2 kids)

14. I get to tell people for 10 years that I am ‘Thirty Something’

15. I get to live vicariously through the 20 year olds around me and be okay with it.

16. I get to start my photography career sometime in my 30′s

17.  We will buy a home in our 30′s. I have bought many houses in the past but a home will be well worth the experiences that led me to my 30′s.

18. Im very  blessed to have found my lifetime partner and love of my life in my 20′s so now I get to enjoy him in my 30′s

19. My mom is officially ‘old’ as her youngest is now 30.

20. A girls night out is rare – which means I get to really enjoy and cherish them in my 30′s.

21. Its a good time to pay off debt

22. Its a good time to save money for a rainy day

23. Living in the now – 20′s are for dreaming and 40′s are for reminising

24. I’m a better fighter and choose my battles better

25. My friends are solid, not flaky (okay for the most part!)

26. Still have time to get in shape before I dont care anymore.

27. Making better decisions

28. Looking forward to traveling with my kids.

29. I know who I am and what I believe.

30. I hear life just keeps getting better.

Wow! that was harder than I thought to come up with 30 reasons.  Bottom line is I have lived a great life. I have learned a lot, experienced a ton and all of that has brought me to a point in life where I get to enjoy my 30′s.  Sure I will have some drinks now and then and even get a little tipsy but life is no longer about where the next party is and I don’t feel at all bad about that!  Life is no longer about finding me and who I am, life is now about who I have become and how I want to show that to the world.  I found the love of my life in my 20′s, I gave birth to my most precious first born in my 20′s and now am ready to start my 30′s off with my youngest little girl.  My life has found its way into settling down the last few years of my 20′s so I am ready to rock and roll in my 30′s. I get to be mom, I get to have a career that I love and enjoying being a wife, a sister, a daughter and a friend to those around me.  Through trials, emotions, ups and downs of the past 30 years I have found myself and am ready soar!

I have got to be one of the luckiest people on earth.  I have amazing friends.  I read once about all the different kinds of friendships that we have in a life time.  From those close, cherished people that show up for a short period and we never hear from again to those true life long friendships that no matter the bumps and bruises in life they are always there and will always be there.  I look at all of my encounters and time spent with those whom I call friends; and I can honestly say I have a handful of relationships that I would call true friends.  A lot of people go through life and dont really get the opportunity to say that. To really know how many people are there for you, care for you in so many ways – It brings tears of joy to my heart.

I have my circle of girl friends that always pops into my mind when I think of friends.  I think of those girls that I have bonded with over the years, from child hood and up.  I would probably count less than 10 that I trust, that would be there for me whenever I needed, I love to spend time with are just so dear to my heart, and most of all – someone I would be here for them whatever they needed.  10 might seem like a little number when all of us have hundreds of Facebook friends… but 10 close, cherished girl friends that I can say all those things about is a pretty large number in my eyes.  Girl friends was never my thing growing up. I had a couple here and there but my friends were always guys.  I remember one year when it was ‘friend picture day’. I had my picture taken with a couple of my close buddies… that were guys. It took a long time for me to ever get close to a girlfriend – but when I did… I cherished them and still do.  As I mentioned before there are so many different types of friends – Girlfriends are just one of those types that are so unique and so special and such a rarity. Unfortunately, most of my girlfriends don’t live near me anymore – but my day sure lights up when I get a phone call, text or email from one of them.  One of my best girlfriends passed away a couple of years ago and I will always cherish the memories we created and the times we had – our relationship really put friendship to the test so many times. But in the end… we were always there for each other and I still like to think she is always still there for me in spirit watching over me.

Then we have those friends that we get to spend a short period of our life with… sometimes only weeks.  However; the bond in such a short time creates a friendship that lasts a life time.  I love those friends!  I have a couple of them that again, I know will always be there – just a phone call away. I love hearing from them when I do, even if it is years a part. I hope and long for a day that I get to spend another hour, day or weeks with them in our future. To enjoy their laughter, conversation and just the love in the air when they are around.  I am lucky to have a small little handful of friends like this as well, that with just a memory – my heart is warmed up thinking of them.

Family friends… aww these are those friends are are family but are not actually related. I tend to adopt a few of these.  They are usually friends of the whole family and come in and out of our life and those life’s around us. Again, always a phone call away. Always there when times are tough and seems to not skip a beat even if it has been forever since our last encounters.  My father is very social person and has a lot of friends…. a lot of them of whom I have adopted as friends of my own. I think most of my family friends come from or circles around him. I thank him for that, as some amazing people are in my life because of this.

Family – what about family? Family is not just family… family can be friends.  I see a lot of people where family is just family.  Family and friends are 2 different types of people – some people don’t get the opportunity to have family.  Some people dont get along with their family, others just dont consider them friends.  Well again – I guess I am one of the lucky ones as not only is my family… family.  I would consider almost all of my family members a friend.  Most all of them are always there for me, as I am for them.  I enjoy my time with my family. I love growing and connecting with all of them in different ways.  To me, some of my best friends are my family with my very best friend being the closest of my family: My husband.

Bottom line, I guess friends are just on my mind lately. I have had the opportunity to catch up with many that I have not talked to in a while. I get to enjoy time spent with many that I don’t get to very often and may not be getting to in the future as often.  Friends make my day, they make my life.  To all my friends, old and new: I love you and keep on being you and being in my life – because I enjoy you being here!

Learn from the past, look forward to our future – but Live in the moment!

So many of us are taught this over and over in life but yet we find ourselves more often living in the past or worried about the future rather than living in the now.  The last few months I personally have let fears of the future take control of my life in so many ways.  I have been caught up in this economy, in our world that I forget to live.  I was having a conversation with my mother last week. It was after a really rough week for me and I was telling her all about it.  By the end of the conversation I had told her not only all the terrible things that happened to me and what was going on but I told her my passions, my next steps, my goals and in every area of my life I had so many more dreams of what I wanted to do and I knew just how I was going to do it.  She told me that she wont worry about me because she knows as long as I am still creating, still dreaming and still living life that I will be okay. Its when I stop that gets her worried.  Wow – what powerful words coming from a mom.

Now I put myself in her shoes and see what I want for my kids.  We have a rough future ahead of us – there is no doubt about that.  Just look at our world, our economy and the disasters that we have created as a whole.  So many disasters that generations before us started and here we are… living it.  We are the generation to change and as long as we are living in fear of what is ahead of us we wont change a thing.  We have the power to make this world right, we have the power to fulfill our life’s and teach our children to do the same.  I am not into politics – I am not going to be that huge leader that changes the world.  Most of us wont be.  However; we do have the power to make a difference in our own life’s, our families life’s, our friends and the people that we meet.  We all have the power to make a difference in our little bubbles.  If we all step up to the plate and choose to stop living in fear, to live in the moment and live our dreams we will have so many great bubbles of life that together… in the end our kids and grand kids will see the larger picture of the difference that we did make – for them.

All the talk of 2012… all the world disasters showing up before our eyes, every lost job, all this negative energy that is pouring around us all day, every day.  How are we supposed to be prepared? How do we dream? How do we create when we feel like there wont be anything here when we get done with our creation?  Do we just sit back and ride the wave?  Let life control us… let fear control us? Because that is what we do.  I am guilty as charged!  I worry about what my kids will have. I worry about throwing my energy into new projects, creating things that it will just be a waste in the times to come.  I find myself sitting back and thinking what is the point?  I use the excuse that I am a mom, soon to be a mom with 2 kids and a newborn – when will I find the time? I cant do anything more… Wrong! I can and I will. I will continue to prepare for the times to come, to prepare my family in the best ways I can but I wont stop creating and I wont stop living.

Although our future seems to look like doom and gloom to some, we really don’t know what it holds – just as we never have.  When times were great, economy was up – creating was living and excitement was in the air – all we saw was a bright and powerful future. Why cant we still see that? We have the power to see whatever we want to see of the future. I  see times getting difficult for many of us, in many different ways. I personally don’t see the end of times coming any time soon. What I also see is that even in the roughest of times we are still here, life is here and the only way we survive is by creating, living, laughing and enjoying.  The economy is down and there are world disasters happening – we are all effected by these things, but we choose to let these effect our attitude and our way of living.

Its time to learn from our past – see clearly what we have done to be where we are today.  We defiantly need to be prepared for our future, for our kids and grand kids.  But most of all – we need to live in the moment and enjoy each day.  Create what we want to – no matter what tomorrow brings.  This is how beautiful things happen and life in enjoyed.  I only hope to pass down the wisdom, the strength and the courage to my kids as my parents have passed down to me.  It takes all of that to make things happen when times are tough.  Thank you to my parents for preparing me, encouraging me and teaching me. Now it is my turn to do the same for my girls and live in the moment.

Have you ever found yourself in a trance of pure happiness and relaxation? I found that today on an unplanned whim. I had one of those weeks where everything just seems to be against me.  I did have a few good things in the mist but if I step back and take a look at what life threw at me this past week – I wonder if I even have a foot under me or a ground to stand on.  I guess the universe as a way of telling me I need a break from the things we call life and focus on what life really is… My family, my friends.

My husband reminded me of the saying that I have written across our bathroom mirror (that one that should be in front of me every day that I tend to overlook because it is always there!). “Let Go and Let God”.  After a frustrating morning of yet one more thing not going well, one more thing broken, one more thing not fixed, one more frustration in life… I found a peace and I found a spot where I could “Let Go and Let God”.  My niece really wanted to go to the lake and we had a couple of hours so why not?  A beautiful spring day, 80 degrees out – my car is in the shop (or to not even be found at the moment… long story for another time) so in the jeep we got with the doors off and the wind in our hair and headed to the lake.  Thank  you Delaney for wanting to go and inviting us!

The kids… and the grown up kids really enjoyed feeding the fish and ducks at the Marina. What is it about feeding a wild animal that makes all of us so excited no matter what age we are?  A force of nature that brings us humans together with wild life with a toss of a hand.  I think for me it was the smile and excitement on my 1 year olds face as she fed fish and ducks for the first time.  She loved every minute of it and that really brought a smile and excitement inside of me.  Though this was the beginning of some inner relaxation, some inner realizations in life – Building mud castles on the beach was what really what drew me in.

There is something about cold water on a spring day; mud, sand, shells and some trash that is left on the beach that we get to utilize as a building tool.  The mud between our toes, slipping through our fingertips and just not caring that we are all dirty and wet.  The imaginations of the kids hard at work, the peacefulness of the small waves coming in and just getting us even more wet.  There was a peace within me that formed from a rough week.  There is a peacefulness that formed in all of us as we really didn’t want to leave when we had to go. 

I started my day off really in a slump finding myself wondering why all this negative energy is surrounding me, why does it seem like everything in life is falling around me.  I am ending my day spending it with friends and knowing I am the luckiest person alive. I have a healthy, grateful and loving family. I not only love my family but I enjoy them, every one of them (even with everyone’s little corks that make life great). I have the best, most supportive husband. An amazingly beautiful (inside and out) little girl with a healthy one on the way; I have great friends and family that I get to enjoy a lot of time.  Though I might not have a car to drive, a computer to work, a home that is secure, or a business that is working right at the moment – I DO HAVE the most important thing that many people don’t… Amazing people around me. Sometimes it just takes taking the time out to breathe and build mud castles in the sand.

Life is about a lot of things and going through stages is a big part of it.  The other day my husband and I were talking about our moms, how strong they both are and how we are watching them shine in their life right now.  It has made me think a lot about he stages in our life. They are both in a place in life where their kids are grown, they are enjoying their grand kids and enjoying their life’s for who they are. They are living for them (not in a selfish way) but in a radiant way. I think that is a stage that many women go through at their age. A huge change in life when you live so many years for your kids, for your family and now you get to sit back and watch them, be there for them but then find yourself again.  It is powerful to sit back for a minute and observe our mothers for what they are going through and who they are. It makes me smile and makes me excited to have such great mentors I get to look up to and follow and my girls get to look up to and follow throughout their life.  Thank you to our moms for being so beautiful, so strong and such shining stars in our life!

Thinking of the stages in life that our moms (and dads) are at really reflects upon the stages of life we are in, our kids our in and of course our grandparents are in.  Its almost as if we are different people with different personalities with every stage.  We change so much and though inside we are the same and all of these stages make us who we are – we become such a different person with every decade, every generation and I guess every experience changes us in a way too.

I remember my mom telling me that she remembers all my stages and growing up but sometimes its really hard to relate the me now to being the same person as that little girl she raised. I think this is so true for most of us.  I already have a hard time relating that the little, tiny, fragile new born we brought home a year and a half ago is the same little girl that is running around this house – running this household with such personality.

I have often been found in a spot of confusion, indecisiveness and uncertainty about my ‘personal life’ – which to me I guess has mostly been my business. My success and what I create with my business. This is what I found in my recently passed stage of life as to be my main inspiration – that purpose that keeps you going and gives you as many rewards as it does heart ache and stress. What I am finding is I am in one of those MAJOR changes in between stages in my life.  Going from my life about me (selfishly and unselfishly) to that stage where it is now all about my family… my kids.

I think we continuously made this decision when we decided to take our focus in life and build my husbands career and put mine on the back burner knowing that a family was in our future.  Sure enough it wasn’t long after when we received the surprised positive pregnancy test and soon I would be a mom.. Grady a dad.  Ever since that day I find myself often wondering what direction to go in with my business, with my career and before I can even make a decision that next stage I am talking about, well it kicks in… Mom duty.  Before I know it, that ‘personal life’ that used to be about me, my career, my achievements – turned into my family, our achievements, our smiles and most importantly our time together. Now my purpose every morning that keeps me going with all those rewards along with hard work and heart ache is this little girl named Zoie and her little sister that is on the way.  I wouldn’t change it for the world and/or take any part of this transition back. Those times of confusion and questioning of my business and career are coming further and further a part and soon it wont happen too often. That is until the next stage of life when I am ready to move forward and make some decisions.

So here is to letting go of the past, living in the present and looking forward to the future full of changes and new stages in life!  I hope everyone reading this takes the time to enjoy the stage of life you are in, live it to the fullest and learn all you can because before you know it we will be in transition again.

I know all of us have different believes in life. Many come from traditional religions that teach us, others from our family and friends and most of them from our own experiences in life.  For me, I believe that finding my heaven here on earth has a lot to do with finding my balance in life.  Everything in life is about balance… everything in moderation: positives and negatives.  In the end we are always the happiest and feel the most at peace when we truly find that balance.

A few years back I was on a road trip across country with myself and my dog (Chicago) as my co-pilot. We made a stop in San Antonio and for some reason I wanted a tattoo. I had no clue of what so I did some research and I ended up going to some hole in the wall place down the street from my motel to get an OM symbol tattooed on my body. At the time I was new to the meaning of this and really did not understand the amazing power behind the meaning of the OM symbol.  I chose 3 colors.. Orange, Green and a Violet (little did I know they were all Chakra colors as well).  I didn’t know it at the time but I was looking for some balance in my life – It was a time of finding myself and my peace. I chose the most powerful symbol without even knowing what I was doing. Little did I know my life would then come to find peace in exactly what I tattooed on myself. I guess sometimes we just need that leap of faith to put something permanent in front of us to remind us of our journey. (or in back of us in my case).  For those of you that are new to the OM symbol it is a symbol of peace and balance when all of our body’s energy chakra’s are in balance and life is in balance.  I get asked a lot what my symbol means and I love it as it reminds me of my life… or trying to find my balance in life.

What part of your life do you find the hardest to find balance in?

I think my most focused energy daily goes to finding a balance of work and being Mamma.  I work from home so both of these roles overlap and mesh together more often than not. They are both so important to me and really they are important to each other.  Some days I really feel as though I have it together. I have schedules that works, my daughter is getting lots of mom time and extra activity time, my clients are happy and my income is in the positive! Then there are those days that just sneak up on me where it is all a mess. There is not enough hours in the day, daughters wants more and more attention, issues with work and the world around me is just chaotic. Of course in between all of this there is rarely enough time to give my house attention. Its on these days when I really struggle to find my balance.  Some of these days I stop for a minute and I check my chakras – I usually find most of them completely out of whack, but do I really have the time to stop… meditate and get them back into balance?  Even when I convince myself that I do, I get started and interrupted just about about the same time.  I personally tend to just push through that day and pray that tomorrow is more in balance. However; I would love to find a way to personally find my balance, find my peace in the middle of chaos.  How do you do it? I would love to hear some ideas that might actually work instead of just sound great but is just not an option in my ‘real life’.

Then there are those areas of my life that for some reason just work… they have a balance and seem to rarely get out of balance.  I think I can give my husband credit for most of those!  Who by the way… always seems to be in balance! I dont just mean looking at his life but literally every time I have checked his chakras his energy is completely in balance.  Of course I am sure he has his days, as we all do, and I just dont check his energy but for the most part he really seems to just make it work.  He is a Leo – which fits him well but sometimes I think he has more Libra in him.  Our relationship is one of those areas on life that is often in sync… often in balance.  We of course have our moments of complete off balance but we really built a fantastic foundation that brings us back into balance pretty quick after those ‘out of whack moments’ (currently usually do to pregnancy hormones!).  He really makes the rest of my life peaceful, enjoyable and mostly in balance.

In my life I strive for that balance in every area: Relationships, activities, work, play, finances, travel, entertainment, down time, family, friends, hobbies, and any other area of life that I have forgot to mention.  What I get back is a internal peace, a happiness, an understanding, a life full of love.  Though some times those days of unbalance show up often that bring the opposite, I hope I work on building that strong foundation in my life that will always bring me back to balance… or back to my balance in between my unbalanced and balanced life!

This post is all for you Marna (my avid blog follower… and maybe only follower)!

Weather we actually take the time to look great, I have to agree that all of us girls LOVE to look good. Why is this?  And its not just us girls – guys love to look good too (I have even caught my father worried about what he is wearing or if he looks good – and those of you that know my dad, yes this can be a shock!).  I personally have always had this issue with not trying too hard.  I am not sure where it comes from – maybe I am complete country bumpkin at heart; but even country bumpkins can be cute   My husband says he doesn’t like a lot of make up but he sure likes it when I put it on and he always says he wishes I would just do something with my hair. He doesn’t care what… just the effort put into doing something is what he likes. He hates short hair… but he tends to like it when I cut my hair as I ‘HAVE’ to do it.  When its long… sorry hun but it is just pulled up every day.  Its not just my husband that complains – I have had ex boyfriends that wish I had a little more girl in this tom boy too.  Some days I have to admit – I try; but most the time… its just not worth the effort!

Maybe I get my laziness from working at home all these years. Really what is the point of getting all prettied up and spending an hour+ of my morning (when I could be doing something productive) to just sit behind my computer. I might run an errand but unless its for businesses or something what is the point so I can look pretty for the grocery clerk?  I am completely guilty of being one of those girls that goes to the store in her PJ’s (another thing my hubby hates!).  I know my husband loves it when I take the time to look good… but really every day??  (If he were to read this he would be rolling his eyes at me big time!).

When I met my husband he literately took a min. of 45 minutes longer than me to get ready. He has more clothes than me (to this day).  Years later with life changes I can say we take about the same amount of time to get ready and if I was not in my years of being pregnant and my body changing so much I might have as many clothes as him. This day may come in the next years as I will be done with having kids… we will see.  It doesn’t help that my husband was in business in a corporate environment when I met him where he had to dress nice every day… and now he is a mechanic.  There are few occasions that I see him get ‘prettied’ up any more.  That is a whole other blog subject on why we tend to change the ‘trying to look good’ after we find our partner in life – both us girls and the men too!

So is our occupation that does it? I would jump through all those hoops if I actually left the house to go to work… or would I still not care?  In a way I hope to never find out as I have worked for myself, pretty much from home since I was 20 and having kids I really dont plan on changing that any time soon.

The things I do care about… my weight.  Weather I get lazy in this area of life or not – underneath it all I do care. Every day I long for that body I had just a few short years ago (like 5+). I long for the day I can put a pair of jeans on that just WOW me again.  Maybe if I can get my body back there I might make more of an effort… but then again looking back I didn’t try too hard then either.  Thanks to 2 of my girlfriends that are so honest with me I am more of a girl these days than I was ever growing up.  I look back on the day I walked into my apartment to all my clothes in a pile on the floor – leaving only like 3 outfits in the closet.  My girlfriend decided that she couldn’t take it anymore – I needed to become a girl, get rid of the overalls and all the tom boy outfits.  I guess a part of me agrees as I let her do it.  We gave them all away and went shopping. Shopping on a budget and a little at a time – but slowly my closet started to carry a few ‘girly’ items and even some pink.  Since then I really try to shop for things that are cute and comfortable instead of just compfy factors.

Funny thing is now that I have a little girl… Im just as a tom boy in dressing her! Thanks to her aunt that is complete girl, Zoie has been passed down so many girl outfits that I just have to put her in them as I cant justify buying new clothes when we got them for free.  I have to admit she can look pretty damn cute in those girly clothes.  Her hair on the other hand… Its just out of control. I have tried the cute clips and bows but she wont keep them even when I do try… I guess she has a bit of her mom in her.

I watch my sister-in-law as she gets ready every day… make up, dressed up and hair done every morning no matter what lays ahead of her for the day. I make fun of her (all out of love of course!), but women tend to do this more often than not and why?   I think that some of us just like to look good!  Some of us are really great wifes and do it for our husbands (sorry hun..). Some of us do it because we have deeper issues and try to cover it up. But I think in the end it is human nature to want to look and feel good and its human nature to be more attracted to our significant others when they look and feel good.

I know that when I do get ready for the day and even when I spend the time to do my hair – I feel more confident, I feel like I look good and I can take the world on because of it.  This is why work places have a dress code and this is why spas and beauty salons stay in business (even with one on every corner).  I keep telling myself that after bug is born I will get my body back then go on a shopping spree. I will get back to having my pedicures on a regular basis and making sure I am on top of my waxing – because then I will look and feel better instead of changing every day.  We will see if I am all talk or if I have another excuse like I have for all these years on why I just don’t do it… like I am mom of 2 kids – how can I look good or find the time to make myself look good?

I do know that if I will take the time to get my body back and then take the time to wear clothes that make me feel sexy… or at least just feel good – do my make up (we will see about my hair!) and keep up on all the things we do to ‘look good’ – I will feel good.  I KNOW my husband will love it and in the end I guess it will just bring a little more spark to life to walk around (even if it is at the grocery store) knowing I look good. I honestly believe that what is inside will show on the outside so maybe by taking the time to look good to ourselves- we feel good and in return we look good to others.  Which is really what we all want in some way or another.

How is it that this website that started a few years back has engulfed my life?  Just like brushing my teeth, FB has become a daily habit.  You know that feeling when you don’t brush your teeth one day and there is all that build up on them?  You just cant go on another minute without finding your brush and getting them cleaned.  I get that same feeling when I don’t check my face book one day.  I know I am not alone in this. What is it that is inside of us that creates this addiction?

My husband is always asking me when my next FB Anonymous meeting is and if I am going to go.  The funny thing is I dont play any of the games or do any of the extras the site has to offer; but I tend to spend hours/day with the site open on my computer or my phone.  I check my facebook as often as I check my email (which is often as it is my business and my work to be checking email all day).

I really do have a full life in the ‘real’ world. I have great friends, wonderful family that I spend a lot of time with. I try to keep my daughter involved socially and we get out a lot.  So why is there still this dying need for a connection electronically with my friends and family.  Has our world really turned so electronically that I get the deeper connection online rather than in person, or maybe its just another type of connection?

What do you do when you get on facebook? How do you spend your time? Some people post a lot about what they are doing all the time, others play games… I tend to just read.  I have that urge to not miss reading a post on my wall.  I do have a lot of FB friends so often my wall is updated with fun posts.  Some I read and pass them by, others make me smile or laugh and even wonder.  Why is is though that I feel this connection and have this need with FB friends; but rarely do I actually comment on what my feelings are on their posts. I love the reaction it gives me but I find that ‘like button’ to just fit whatever I am feeling.  Is that really a connection? I’m not opening myself up much – not really having a conversation with my friend.. but yet I feel satisfied that I have connected.

Who are your FB friends? Do you really know everyone on your list? Maybe you met them once or as a huge portion of my list is – they are ‘old’ classmates from growing up.  Some I knew better than others but really – are they still my friends or just acquaintances that I once knew?  If we were in the same town together at the same time, would I make the effort to see them?  I would probably say I might make time for about 10% of my list.  So why do I feel this need to connect online with them if I dont really have a need to connect in person with them?  Does anyone else feel this way?  Are our facebook relationships real or just a facade of something?

Of course we have our close friends and family on there that are defiantly not facade and we might not have the time or means to see them often enough to really have the connection we would love to have and FB is a great tool to keep some type of connection with those that we love.  I personally know more about my family that I see only once every couple of years than I have known my whole life growing up. I THANK Face Book for this.  I have some amazing cousins, aunts/uncles and even grandparents that I just have never lived around. That I never got to build that amazing connection with.  I feel like Face Book has givin us a chance to start that. We have a way to connect on a daily basis about life. I am getting to know them one post at a time. Again, for this I do thank this technology; however I question how real that is.  When we post something we are posting it to the world – it makes us think before we post. Is this really what I want to put out there?  We hide a lot. So again, even with our friends and family that are close in ‘real life’ are our online connections real?

Bottom line, we should all make the effort in real life as we do to connect online to build our relationships.  FB is fun, addicting and awarding. We also learn a lot about those we love and keep in touch with things that are going on.  But our FB relationships are just not enough.  I have my need to read every post, but really its just the beginning of inner need that goes deeper. A need to have closer relationships, to keep in touch with those I love.  I will never get that from Face Book – I will only get that from picking up the phone (which I have come to avoid) or making that time to connect in person.  As most addictions are, they are just a cover up of a bigger need.  My bigger need is I want to be connected with my friends and family in a ‘bigger’ way.  That connection is only up to me though and I am the number one worst slacker when it comes to connection without face book and/or email.  Guess Its time to step it up a bit… We will see if I do or if I continue to just let FB satisfy my little need screaming inside of me.

I would love your comments on this subject as I know many of you that read this have the same obsession!